~Infertility~

Soon it will be August.

That means that we have OFFICIALLY been trying to conceive for 2 years.
Now, to most people, that doesn't seem like a lifetime, but to me, it feels like it.
Never in my wildest nightmares, did I think I would have to endure this "lifestyle" for so long.
2 years of watching everyone around me give birth. 2 years of watching pieces of my little hope dwindle away. 2 years of watching myself be a failure, front & center. 2 years of seeing my husbands "trying to hide the fact that I'm distraught for her sake" face as I tell him "It's a negative". 2 years of my body getting worse & worse with every month that passes. Knowing that there's a big possibility I may NEVER give birth to my very own miracle. 2 years of dealing with losing my babies, because of this disease, called PCOS. 2 years, crying myself to sleep, or driving down the highway after leaving my doctors office to find out my body is failing me. 2 years of nobody understanding. 2 years of hearing people say to me " It will happen when the time is right" or " In Gods Time" or " Just relax & it will happen". 2 years of watching my self- esteem & self-confidence be float away.
Now does 2 years seems like a long time?

I think so many women go through life experiencing infertility, but are too scared to talk about, in fear of feeling like the "odd ball out".
But, I think that's exactly what we should do. Talk about it.
In todays society, infertility is somewhat a "taboo".
People that don't experience it are too afraid to talk about, in fear of hurting someones feelings.
All the while, women who do experience it, are too afraid to talk about, in fear of putting people in an aqkuard situation or feeling like a blubbering idiot.

But, if we don't talk about it, who will?
Women all around the world need to know that they aren't alone.
That it's not their fault.
That it doesn't make you any less of a woman or person.

If I had one wish for this world, I would take away infertility.
To me, it is the most cruel disease out there.
It affects so many aspects of a womans life.
I hurt not only for myself, but for all the other women out there who live with this, day to day.

I have no "happy" ending to this blog, but I know that one day I will.
One day, I will have a baby in my arms. Whether it be from my womb, or somebody elses.
One day, somebody will call me Mommy. <3